!

He just started a blog too. NOW I CAN CREEPILY READ ABOUT HIS LIFE AND HE'LL NEVER KNOW!!

Except chances are I'll tell him within the next couple of days. Because I can't keep anything from him. Because I want him to know everything about me. Everything. He is THE ONE person I want to spill all (well, all but one) of my secrets to. Even the thing I've never told a single soul. Not one. Not my family. Not my friends. Not my online friends. Not one. Single. Person. But I want to tell him. Why?

Because I want a deeper relationship with him. Why?

Because I want him to love me, too.

It Happened

I love somebody.

This is not the love I thought I felt in high school. This is nothing like I've experienced before.

I really, truly think it might have happened:

I think I found Him.

2011 New Year's Resolutions

Oh, weird. I just discovered that people have actually read my blog. That strikes me as super strange, like finding out people in LATVIA had been reading my diary. But I guess that kind of comes with the territory of a blog, eh?

Anyways, mis resoluciones. (I don't know of that's actually a word or not)

1. Learn to say no.

-- Because I'm tired of being overcommitted.

2. Find little ways to save money.

-- Because I'm tired of being poor.

3. Be a better counselor.

-- More outgoing, more crazy, less yell-y, more kid-centered. Also, make lasting counselor-friend relationships.

4. Live in the moment.

-- While thinking about the future is all right, worrying about it constantly is worthless.

5. Start the job hunt.

-- I'm kidding. Kind of. In theory, this should be happening this time next year. In reality, I have a pretty good idea of how I want to spend my life long-term:

Option A: camp counselor summer 2011, school 2011-2012, graduate, camp counselor summer 2012, become year-round staff at camp and not leave for a long, long time.

Option B: camp counselor summer 2011, find serious boyfriend before May 2012, get married before 2014, have children, say "fuck you, college degree. I'm gonna be a mom, thnx."

To be completely honest, either one of those sounds FABULOUS. Disturbingly more fabulous than the "official plan," which is to go into journalism or PR.

HOLY CRAP. I JUST REALIZED I DON'T WANT TO DO JOURNALISM OR PR IF I CAN AVOID IT. I JUST WANT TO WORK AT CAMP FOREVER.

Oh boy. What a time to figure this out, eh? Three semesters left in college and I'm realizing I'm quite literally wasting my time and money on a degree I don't ever want to use. Ohhhhh boy. Happy New Year.

Ah, here we are again

2010 is almost history, folks. We have a mere 26 hours (as of this writing) left before it's done forever. I wasn't going to do anything, but a boss of mine (yes, a boss...because I do actually have multiple) posted a list of things accomplished in 2010 and went on and on about how it's good to reflect over these things. So I shall do that. But first...

On January 1, 2010, I posted my resolutions for 2010 on this humble blog. They, and their results, are as follows:

1. Be more confident.

-- Sorta? It really depended on the situation.

2. Fall in love.

-- I hesitate to say this, not because I'm worried this information will fall into the wrong hands (I'm not kidding myself: NO ONE reads this), but because the only person who does read this (me) is going to look back on this eventually, shake my head at myself, and get angry for kidding myself, but I think I might have fulfilled this resolution. It's not mutual...I don't think...yet...but sometimes (a lot of the time), I think I may have found Him, and that something may be happening. But I don't trust optimism, so I'll just leave it at that.

3. Save more.

-- Check.

4. Less dessert.

-- Again, depended on the time/situation. I haven't lost any weight, though, if that's what you're asking.

5. Make one more really good friend.

-- Aww, hells yeah I accomplished that.

6. Be less cynical/complain less.

-- Yes and no. I'm still pretty cynical (see #2), but I was more aware of my complaining and tried to do something about it, so that's good, right?

I'm giving myself a 4.5/6, which is like a B- on the year. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.

So anyways, things accomplished this year in the order I think of them:

- Two 4.0 semesters juggling more extracurriculars than should be legal

- Solicited and got a job writing about high school sports, part of the career discernment process

- Improved photography skills and took photos for a full-page spread in the campus newspaper

- Survived a summer as a camp counselor and LOVED nearly every second of it

- Survived numerous severe thunderstorms and/or tornadoes, though probably lost several years of my life as a result of the anxiety

- Intensely cleaned a solid half of my room (more to be completed later)

- Auditioned for Glee...in an open casting call...just so I could say I did it...haha

- FINALLY at long last became happy at my college

Overall, it was a really up and down year. There were some very high highs and some very low lows. I think saying that I'll miss 2010 would be stretching it, but saying I'm counting down the second for it to be over would be stretching it, too. I'm just kinda meh about it, I guess. Though really, looking back, I think this was one of my better years. Though more tumultuous, I really do think it was better than 2009. Here's hoping 2011 will continue the trend. New Year's resolutions may or may not come. We'll see how I'm feeling.

:(

I'm seriously so bummed right now I could cry.

So, I love my job. I don't think I've made that any sort of secret. I mean, yeah, at times it's annoying, but the good outweighs the bad so much that I really just couldn't ask for a better job. I love my boss, I love the people I work with, I love our customers...everything about my job is fantastic. That's why I worked hard to keep my job after last summer, why I came home so often this year to work on Saturdays, and why I'll be working seven days a week for the rest of the summer. It's all been completely worth it. But after this summer, things are going to have to change. There's no one to hold down my job for me anymore. I thought I had someone, but it turns out she had another commitment on Saturdays and it won't work. So that means that on August 21st, I'm going to have to be done. That thought seriously brings me to the verge of tears. I DO NOT want to quit. I can't imagine my life without these people anymore. I mean, I know eventually I'll have to move on...a less-than-part time, minimum wage paying job isn't going to support me for very long. But it still sucks.

Families

Item #1: Work Fam.

One of the regular customers at the restaurant I work at died this past week. It wasn't much of a surprise, as this customer had had cancer for almost twenty years and in the last few weeks had been fading very fast. This customer's family has always been very connected to the restaurant, and it has shown so much in the past few days. The outpouring of support from other regulars, monetary donations, attendance at the funeral, and the fact that the post-funeral reception was held at our restaurant (we closed early to accommodate this) really showed me the depth of the relationship people at the restaurant have. It's not just server/customer. These people aren't just another paycheck to us, and they're not just the people at the table on the other side of the room. They're friends. They're family. This is why I love my restaurant so much. Where else could you find this kind of loyalty? I don't know if it's possible.

Item #2: Pregnancy dream.

I had my very first pregnancy dream last night. It took place three years from now. I sincerely hope the circumstances under which I was pregnant (in the dream, the dad was a non-factor, and my parents were pissed at me because I got pregnant and wasn't married...it was all very dramatic) never occur, but it was cool nevertheless. I'm sure a pregnancy dream isn't a lot like actually being pregnant, but I liked it. There are very few things I want more in this world than children of my own.

Self-Evaluation

Well, kids, it's gotten to be that time. I have a final on Monday, and then I'm outta here. I've actually been dreading this for quite some time. As much as I love my family, I'm not ready to go home. I'm not ready for this semester to be over. I guess that's mostly just because I'm not ready to be that much closer to graduation. Not ready at all.

And now it's time to check up on my second semester resolutions...

1: Make a guy friend

-- Check

2: Spend less time on Facebook

-- FAIL FAIL FAIL

3: Make a good girl friend

-- I actually made several good girl friends this semester. Not like "let's hang out on Saturday night" girl friends, but people I at least eat with when able.

4: Fall in love

-- Yea-no.

5: Spend more time with best friend from home

-- Well, we didn't spend a lot of time together, but we definitely did spend more time together

As for the friend grading scale, I'm going to give myself a B-. I made 5 new girl friends and 3 new guy friends this semester. I think saying I'm friends with my roommate might be pushing it, but we definitely get along really well so that's good.

All in all it was an okay semester. Definitely not as great as Fall 09 or Fall 08, but not as bad as Spring 09, either. I was just really overwhelmed a lot of this semester, which made it difficult. That also means I'm probably going to HATE Fall 10, because I'm going to be even more overwhelmed then. Awesome.