Self-Evaluation

Well, kids, it's gotten to be that time. I have a final on Monday, and then I'm outta here. I've actually been dreading this for quite some time. As much as I love my family, I'm not ready to go home. I'm not ready for this semester to be over. I guess that's mostly just because I'm not ready to be that much closer to graduation. Not ready at all.

And now it's time to check up on my second semester resolutions...

1: Make a guy friend

-- Check

2: Spend less time on Facebook

-- FAIL FAIL FAIL

3: Make a good girl friend

-- I actually made several good girl friends this semester. Not like "let's hang out on Saturday night" girl friends, but people I at least eat with when able.

4: Fall in love

-- Yea-no.

5: Spend more time with best friend from home

-- Well, we didn't spend a lot of time together, but we definitely did spend more time together

As for the friend grading scale, I'm going to give myself a B-. I made 5 new girl friends and 3 new guy friends this semester. I think saying I'm friends with my roommate might be pushing it, but we definitely get along really well so that's good.

All in all it was an okay semester. Definitely not as great as Fall 09 or Fall 08, but not as bad as Spring 09, either. I was just really overwhelmed a lot of this semester, which made it difficult. That also means I'm probably going to HATE Fall 10, because I'm going to be even more overwhelmed then. Awesome.

Risk Taking

I decided a couple of weeks ago that I need to stop sitting around letting my life pass me by. It's no wonder I feel miserable about myself so often. I always take the easy route out. Instead of pushing myself to be more social, more involved, I prefer to sit in my room in front of my computer, thinking about how pathetic my life is. So yesterday, I took a risk. I went to my first party ever, and I went alone.

I went alone because I didn't think any of my friends would want to go. Granted, I didn't ask any of them, but I don't feel like any of my friends are into partying. Not that I am either...I don't do the alcohol thing. But for the longest time I've just wanted to go out and dance. So I went to this party to do just that.

It was a stoplight party, which made things easier because it was obvious who was single and ready to mingle and who was taken. There weren't a lot of people at the party (probably because pledge is going on and this party was in a dorm, aka alcohol free), but nearly everyone there was in green, including me. The first hour or so was kind of lame as I just awkwardly stood around, pretending to be waiting for people, looking for people, or whatever. I refused to ask a guy to dance because in my opinion, that's his job. Guys need to grow a pair, man up, and ask a girl to dance. I shouldn't be responsible for that. Eventually, a guy did ask me to dance. And we proceeded to dance for over an hour. This is significant because I haven't danced with anyone since August 2008. Quite some time. And I've been CRAVING it. So that was just fantastic. The guy doesn't go to my school, so I'll probably never see or talk to him again. He asked for my number, but I doubt he'll ever actually contact me. It's fine, though, because I wasn't really expecting anything. I mean, it'd be nice if he would contact me, but if he doesn't, I'm not going to get upset over it or anything. Last night was still a blast, and I learned an important lesson: taking risks is a good idea, because look how it can pay off!

Stomach Flu

UGH.

Out of all the experiences I've had at college, I don't think any (aside from serious boy drama) suck as much as being sick. I'm not really the type of person who gets sick frequently. I get upper respiratory infections all the time--I describe myself as having a perpetual cold--but I very rarely get the stomach flu. I think it's because I would get the stomach flu relatively frequently when I was little, probably once a year or so. I now have gastrointestinal immune system o' steel (haha). But the last time I had the stomach flu was five years ago, so it's been awhile. Needless to say, the past few days have been SUCKY. I started to feel sick on Wednesday afternoon, but I didn't think it was anything really, because I get stomach aches every now and again but they don't lead to anything. As the day went on, though, I just felt worse and worse and worse, and finally around 11 p.m. I threw up. You know, I certainly don't enjoy throwing up, but I think it gets too much of a bad rap. Yeah, it's gross, and it's not very pleasant, but I sure felt better after I got, oh, the entire contents of my digestive tract out. I had a hard time sleeping on Wednesday night. Thursday morning I felt fine immediately after waking up, but that went downhill really, really fast. I went to the Health Center to see if I had a fever, but I was at 98.7 or something ridiculously normal like that, so I didn't have a real reason to skip class :/ . I had five and a half hours of class yesterday, and it was not enjoyable. I think I actually did have a fever, because I sure felt like I had a fever, but I made it through all of my classes without dying. Probably infected, oh, 70 innocent bystanders, but I still went to class. (sidenote: I think that's ridiculous. I should not have felt so obligated to go to class that despite the fact that I felt like death, I still went. I should not have to worry so much about falling behind or having my grade lowered because I could barely drag myself out of bed. I realize attendance policies are put in place so the lazy bum whose parents are paying for his entire education will go to class and pass, but illness should be an exception to the policy). After I finished with my classes for the day, I got back in bed and basically didn't move until this morning when my alarm went off. Once again I felt a lot better when I woke up...until I got diarrhea. Sick nasty. It wasn't actually too bad, though, and I haven't had any *ahem* episodes for about five hours now. I've also not had any trouble keeping down food, and at lunch I was able to finish my piece of toast and all of my applesauce, which is the first time I've been able to do that since I got sick! Yay for minor victories.

This whole experience has made me not want to grow up. Being stuck at school with the stomach flu was awful. I mean, I know I would've felt just as crappy if I had been at home, but then I would've had someone to take care of me. Here I had to fend entirely for myself. I had lots of people who were willing to get me something if I needed it, but what I really just needed was my mom to come in and check on me every now and again and feel sorry for me. Of course, she did call me frequently and gave me advice and comfort, but it wasn't the same as her actually being here. Can I be a kid forever please?

Mid-year Update

I'm less than 24 hours away from Christmas break *throws a party* So here's a little update on my beginning-of-the-year goals, for those of you interested (you know, all zero of you reading this blog):

1. Be content

-- mmm, epic fail would be too harsh, but I think fail would be accurate.

2. Make friends

-- WIN! I did, in fact, make friends! Woot!

3. Don't fall too fast

-- I feel like I didn't even have the opportunity for this to happen anyways

4. Get involved

-- Holy epic win. Definitely, definitely, definitely accomplished this.

5. Don't hate your roommate

-- Done and done.

And as far as my self-grading goes, I'm giving myself a C: 2 or more new girl friends, get along with roommate and suitemates. Because I did make new girl friends, and I think I get along with my roommate and suitemates. I'm not friends with them or anything really, but I get along with them, so straight C it is for me.

Stay tuned, nonexistent readers: goals for second semester are coming later!

Busy busy busy Take Two

Fail on the profile views. I only got one in like the past two weeks. Lame lame lame.

So I've been super busy with this thing we have going on at school that I can't tell you about because then you'd be able to figure out where I go to school and that would defeat the whole anonymity thing. But it's this competition that I like a lot, though I'm seriously concerned that my team is going to lose this year, and that causes a lot of stress. Thankfully, the homework gods have smiled on me this week, so all I really need to focus on is this competition.

Also, I'm not happy about my Spanish grade. I'm pretty sure I'm getting an A-, partly because my teacher is moody. Not okay.

I have a sore throat and it's making me very, very nervous. I don't think I have piggy flu, because I don't have any other symptoms, and it's not a bad sore throat, just a little scratch. So hopefully I'm okay.

Also, remember S and A? Yeah, they're no longer roommates. Didn't even last an entire semester. I totally called that one!

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I'm going to start looking bipolar in this blog if I'm not careful. Laughing until I cry in one post, crying from anger in the next.

Reason Why Today Sucked #1:

Mondays are my day to work. I'm supposed to work from 9-3. I get up at 7:15 to do this. Today at 8:15, my boss calls and says she doesn't want me to come in until 10. That means the best I can get is 5 hours. Then, per usual, work slowed down around 2, so I got sent home at 2:15. That means, after taxes, I earned a whopping $27 today. It wouldn't be a big deal if I were working just to have some extra cash. But that's not why I'm working. I'm a college student. I need this money so I can eat next year. Literally. That, and actually afford my education. I can't have my nearly nonexistent hours cut, because I desperately need every cent I can get.

Reason Why Today Sucked #2:

After wandering around the library for an hour, trying to find any book that sounded halfway interesting (I couldn't), there was a train I had to wait for on the way home. I guess in the grand scope of things, that's not really so bad, but it was a bit of an annoyance.

Reason Why Today Sucked #3:

When I got home, I found out that the roommate troubles I've had are going to be compounded for the fifth time. Last year I endured not one, not two, but THREE--yes, count 'em, three--roommates from Hell, which, in my opinion, is three more than anyone should have to deal with and at least two more than anyone should expect to deal with. So there's roommate trouble one, two, and three. Roommate trouble four came when the girl I was planning to live with next year dropped out of my college. But housing told me they found someone to put me with, and it would all be good. Roommate trouble five came today when housing told me that since my ex-almost-roommate just told them today that she won't be returning next fall, the original student they were going to put me with has been housed somewhere else.

*explodes*

I just don't understand why our housing department seems to hate me when I did nothing to them. I'm sick of being punished for things I have no control over, and I'm sick of living with people who I hate and who hate me. Is it really so much to ask for a decent person to live with that I can get along with and maybe even be friends with?

Summer, Sweet Summer

It's just one of those perfect summer days today. I really don't think it could possibly be nicer. The sun is shining, the humidity is low, the temperature isn't too hot or too cold...I can't ask for much more than this.

It's a great day to be alive

I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes

There's some hard times in the neighborhood,

but why can't every day be just this good?

I wish I could take credit for that, but I can't. Props to you Travis Tritt, or the writer of that song, for putting a day like today in words.

I think I'm a jaded college student. I wish for the innocence of freshmen. Even though I know it would inevitably lead to disappointment, I can't help but wish I could go back to school wide-eyed and full of wonder like they all will.

I just really hope this year is better than last year.

Anonymous profile viewer, I don't know who you are, but I want you to know that you've made my day. I absolutely love the fact that someone has viewed my profile, because that means someone has been to my blog, which means someone might have read it. That was what I wanted in the first place: for someone to come across this totally by accident and just read my musings. Now if you'd like to comment...*hint hint*

It's Been Too Long

Wow. I think someone has actually found my blog. At least I know I haven't viewed my profile 12 times, which means someone else has. So hello, anonymous reader. Nice to meet you. Thanks for validating my existence in the blogging world.

I think it's interesting how people presume they know everything. As I look at incoming freshmen, I can't help but shake my head. I know I was the exact same: I thought I knew it all. I honestly couldn't have been more wrong. There's so much more...all right, here I go, breaking my own rule. But it's necessary. Anyway, there's so much more to college than people, especially incoming freshmen, realize.

I guess you could think I'm jaded. The allure of college has worn off. It's not all butterflies and daisies and roses.

This is what incoming freshmen think college is:

Strolling around the quad through golden leaves, a slightly heavy backpack on your back, surrounded by your 38283938 new best friends that you met on Facebook. You go back to your dorm room where you hang out with your roommate--you went in blind, but you're going to be each other's maid of honor after graduation, you just know it! Classes happen, but there's so much more to college that you don't even really think about it too much. You party on the weekend because that's what college kids do. Cafeteria food is actually really good and good for you. All those horror stories that current college kids told you: bull. College is actually heaven on earth. They just did something wrong, you're sure of that. Nothing could ever be better than college.

This is what current college students know college is:

Powerwalking through the quad because it's 3 degrees outside and there's a 40 mph wind from the north pelting snow in your face. Your backpack may be heavy, but you're too numb to know. You arrive back at the cinderblock building you call home and find out your roommate from hell is still in bed, because (s)he takes two classes, and (s)he doesn't ever get up before noon, never mind the fact that you got up at 6:50 to make it to your 7:00 Organic Chemistry lab, because you're still pre-med, even though half of the other people who came into college pre-med have since changed their major to physical education. You go to the cafeteria and try to pick through the undercooked, over greasy, over fatted but still tasteless food to attempt to find something that might contain a vitamin or two. Then you go back to your room and get all of your books because your roommate is STILL asleep. You haul all of your things across the entire campus in the same 3 degree weather, get to the library, fire up your laptop, and out of habit get on Facebook, the only place where you actually have friends. You end up spending three hours on Facebook and get no homework done, which means you'll be up until 2 AM again finishing that orgo homework. And then you'll start all over again tomorrow.

I just wish I could scream at every single incoming college freshman: COLLEGE IS NOT PERFECT! ANYTHING WRONG WITH YOUR LIFE IN HIGH SCHOOL IS NOT GOING TO FIX ITSELF BECAUSE YOU MOVE AWAY FROM HOME.

College Class of 2013:

It's not your parents.

It's not your friends at home.

It's not your high school.

It's not your hometown.

It's not your boyfriend.

IT'S YOU.

YOU are the one responsible for your dissatisfaction in life. You're going to learn this the hard way when you run away to college and find that you're still just as unhappy as you were beforehand, except now you're homesick and overwhelmed and scared about the future even more than you were senior year, too. So until you figure out whatever it is about yourself that's making you miserable, you're not going to be any happier at college than you were at home.