New Year's Resolutions

There is still time where I live to make New Year's Resolutions before 2010, so here goes:

1. Be more confident

Because I feel like that will help with #2...

2. Fall in love

Okay, okay. It's a stupid resolution, because I can only control that so much. I know history says I'm setting myself up for failure. But I'm resolving to do it anyways because I've never resolved to fall in love before, and I never have fallen in love before (at least, I've never been in love with someone who loves me back), so I figure I have nothing to lose.

3. Save more

Because grad school is expensive and I'm poor. So is studying abroad. And life in general.

4. Less dessert

More setting myself up for failure. Is it so wrong to want to have a nice stomach?

5. Make one more really good friend.

Because I have one really good friend--a best friend, really--but I don't want to be that annoying clingy friend, so it'd be nice to have another one. At college, I mean.

6. Be less cynical/complain less.

Without question, the most difficult thing on the list. I'm the queen of complaining (obvs. If you've read any of this blog you would know that). But I'll try. Or at least say I'll try.

That's all I've got for now. A grading scale:

A: 6/6

B: 5/6

C: 4/6

D: 3/6

F: ≤ 2/6

I'm shooting for an A, expecting a Cish. If I'm still blogging by 12/31/10, I'll let you know how I did. Second semester resolutions/goals are coming later...probably right before I go back to school, if this has been any indication.

Happy new year!

And So It Begins...Again

Just found the facebook group for the next incoming freshmen class at my school. Ah, innocent high school seniors expecting the world once again. It just makes me sad, you know? I wish they didn't come in with such high expectations. I think a lot more people would enjoy their freshman year of college a lot more if they had a realistic view of college instead of an idealistic view. But alas, such is the world. Jaded upperclassman over here will just sit and shake her head at them, but will refrain from saying anything this year (probably). Because my time to do that was last year, and I did. So now I'll let other people take over my job.

In other news, I finished the semester with a 4.0. WOOT! I'm honestly thrilled about this, because I didn't expect it to happen. So that brings my cumulative GPA to a 3.97. I need a few more 4.0s and then I'll be able to graduate Summa Cum Laude, which would be outstanding because at the moment, my plan is to go to grad school immediately after finishing my undergrad. (Unless of course I have a job...in that case I'll wait on grad school until I lose my job, which is pretty much a guarantee, considering I'm pursuing a dying field. Awesome). But grad school is effing expensive, and my parents won't pay a penny of it. So basically, in order to go to grad school, I need to 1) save like there's no tomorrow (at the moment I'm saving 50% of every paycheck in the vain hope that it will make a difference. I'd save more, but I would like to, you know, be able to afford food and minor luxuries like that) and 2) get a buttload of scholarships. Since I'm not multicultural, it'd be difficult for me to get a full ride (another rant for another day). But I think I could do well with academic and need-based scholarships, especially academic if I graduate Summa Cum Laude (and to amazing on the GRE). So yes. Yay for another 4.0.

Second Semester goals/new year's resolutions are coming.

Mid-year Update

I'm less than 24 hours away from Christmas break *throws a party* So here's a little update on my beginning-of-the-year goals, for those of you interested (you know, all zero of you reading this blog):

1. Be content

-- mmm, epic fail would be too harsh, but I think fail would be accurate.

2. Make friends

-- WIN! I did, in fact, make friends! Woot!

3. Don't fall too fast

-- I feel like I didn't even have the opportunity for this to happen anyways

4. Get involved

-- Holy epic win. Definitely, definitely, definitely accomplished this.

5. Don't hate your roommate

-- Done and done.

And as far as my self-grading goes, I'm giving myself a C: 2 or more new girl friends, get along with roommate and suitemates. Because I did make new girl friends, and I think I get along with my roommate and suitemates. I'm not friends with them or anything really, but I get along with them, so straight C it is for me.

Stay tuned, nonexistent readers: goals for second semester are coming later!

Done

Well, kind of. I'm not *technically* done, because I still have finals next week. But classes are over. WEIRD.

It's all very strange. Looking back on the semester, it feels like it dragged on and on. September 1 seems like it was ages ago. But sitting here in this moment, it feels like the entire semester passed by far too quickly. It's a really weird feeling.

On the one hand, I'm really, really happy to be done with some of my classes. World Music was the worst class I've taken in college thus far, so I'm thrilled that it's over. Trumpet lessons are also over, and I couldn't be much happier about that. Trumpet lessons were the worst. My Spanish class was way too hard, so I'm glad that's done as well. I did like my English class a lot, though, so I'm disappointed that that's over.

On the other hand, I'm really sad that my classes are done because I didn't have any class this year where I really didn't like my classmates. I strengthened and formed a good amount of friendships in my classes, but I have doubts that those friendships will survive now that I most likely won't see my friends twice or three times a week. It also really screws with my dining schedule, because I had everything worked out in a lovely system, and now that will all have to change. Meh.

I sold a book to the bookstore today, and I feel slightly guilty about it. I didn't buy the book at school, so it didn't have a "USED" sticker on it. Therefore, they assumed it was new and gave me that buyback price. I ended up making a $15 profit on the book. I suppose I shouldn't feel bad about it, given how much the bookstore has ripped me off in the past. But alas, I still feel like it was morally wrong. Ah well.

Busy busy busy Take Two

Fail on the profile views. I only got one in like the past two weeks. Lame lame lame.

So I've been super busy with this thing we have going on at school that I can't tell you about because then you'd be able to figure out where I go to school and that would defeat the whole anonymity thing. But it's this competition that I like a lot, though I'm seriously concerned that my team is going to lose this year, and that causes a lot of stress. Thankfully, the homework gods have smiled on me this week, so all I really need to focus on is this competition.

Also, I'm not happy about my Spanish grade. I'm pretty sure I'm getting an A-, partly because my teacher is moody. Not okay.

I have a sore throat and it's making me very, very nervous. I don't think I have piggy flu, because I don't have any other symptoms, and it's not a bad sore throat, just a little scratch. So hopefully I'm okay.

Also, remember S and A? Yeah, they're no longer roommates. Didn't even last an entire semester. I totally called that one!

I'm Selfish

My cousin is leaving for the Peace Corps tomorrow morning, and I'm tired of half-pretending like I'm okay with it, because I'm not. I'm not at all happy about it. He's going to be gone for two and a half years (ish). He's supposed to be back home in time for Christmas 2011, key words being "supposed to." Whether or not this will actually happen has yet to be determined, and I'm not holding my breath. Can we please pause for a moment and think about this?

Two and a half years ago, I was in the second semester of my sophomore year in HIGH SCHOOL. I had no idea where I wanted to go to college. I wasn't even really thinking about college. I didn't really know what I wanted to be, though I think at that point I was still leaning toward editor at a publishing house. Or perhaps I was just beginning to think about being an editor at a publishing house. I really don't know. I know one thing, though: the college that I'm at was not even in the picture.

Two and a half (ish) years from now, I will have one semester left in college (CAN WE PLEASE NOT TALK ABOUT THAT KTHNX). I really have no CLUE what my life is going to look like at that point. The only thing I can say with certainty is that I will have spent a semester off campus, because the plan has always been do spend Spring 2011 off campus. Where exactly I will be spending that semester has yet to be determined (though I have a pretty good idea of where it's going to be). By that point I'm hopefully going to have a pretty good idea of what I'm going to be doing after college, whether it's working or going to grad school or, the most likely option of them all, moving back home and working full time where I worked part time over the summer because I'm never going to be able to get a "real job." But I really don't know. Thinking about that point in my life freaks me out, because the things that will be on my mind at that point are SCARY. I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP.

I mean, if you think about it, a lot is going to happen in my life in two and a half (ish) years. And it really upsets me that my cousin is going to miss it all, because he's the closest thing I have to a big brother. And what happens if he likes where he's going and decides not to come back, ever? Is that it then? When I saw him on Saturday night, is that the last time I'm ever going to see him? Is that the last time our entire family (except for Grandpa, who died in June 2008) is going to be together?

I just hate it. I took the UCLA Loneliness Test yesterday, and I got a score of 34. The most you can possibly get is 40, and people who get above 30 are considered to be severely lonely. That's how I feel at school almost all the time. Lonely. Somehow, even though I'm involved in a million and a half things, I feel lonely the majority of the time. I think it's partially because even though I have friends at school, I don't have many good friends at school. I have people I get along with just fine, but there's only one person I ever really "hang out" with. My roommate and I, though we get along and don't have any major issues at all, aren't friends. We're just roommates. It's just like when I look back on my life, I realize how much less lonely I was in high school. Yeah, I didn't have much a social life then, but I had great friends who I saw and talked to every single day of the school week. While I see my friends every single day of the week now that I'm in college and live there, it's not like we talk every day. And I don't see my close friends every day (which, more accurately, is close friend, not plural). And I had my family. But now my family is spreading abroad "to the west and to the east and to the north and to the south" AND I'M NOT OKAY WITH IT. The only people I could count on are all leaving me, and I'm becoming more and more alone. My sister is only looking at one school that's even in the state we live in. The other places she's looking at are literally on the other side of the country or in the middle of nowhere (f*cking IOWA. WHO WANTS TO LIVE IN IOWA??). Last year I realized my family members are the only people I can always count on, and now they're all leaving me, too. Which leaves me with no one at all. I'm going from being mostly alone at school to being completely alone in my life, and I just can't handle that. People were made to be in community. We weren't meant to be isolated. That's why solitary confinement is such a horrible, brutal punishment. But I feel like that's what's happening to me, like it's all spiraling out of control and there's nothing I can do about it.

On a happy note, I weighed myself today and discovered that I've lost a lot of weight. I don't have an eating disorder or anything like that, and I don't want anyone who happened to make it to this line to worry about me for that reason, but this is the first time since I began college that I've come home and weighed less than the last time I was at home. Every single time since my birthday last fall (Fall 2008), whenever I've come home I've gained weight. But this time I lost like 6 pounds. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I don't care, either. It's probably because I actually pay attention to what I eat now, and I'm not like, "Ooh, pizza and fries! That will be a healthy way to finish off my eating for the day, after the french toast sticks and syrup I had for breakfast followed by a greasy grilled cheese for lunch!" every. single. day. Now I'm like, "Hmm, maybe I should just eat cereal for breakfast, a sandwich and an apple for lunch, and something not deep fried and/or swimming in grease for dinner." In other words, eating like I ate when I lived at home all the time. And lo and behold, my weight has returned to where it was senior year. If only I had known it could be that easy last year.

P.S. By the next time I blog, I want 40 profile views. Annnndddddd go.

Employment!

Whaaattt? *celebrates*

Yes, that's right, anonymous readers: yours truly has an on-campus job. LET THE PARTY BEGIN!

In all seriousness, though, I am pretty pumped about this. There are lots of positives about this turn of events and only one negative:

Positives:

- MONEY. Which is a good thing, considering that this college education I'm receiving is far from cheap, and student loans are frightening thing I hope to never have first-hand experience with.

- Resume Booster. When I read the description for the job, I thought, "Wow, they might as well have just said, 'Your name must be *firstname* *lastname*', because I'm that qualified." It's going to look amazinggg on my resume.

Negative:

- I kinda don't really have this kind of free time :/ . I'm already involved in five extracurriculars (>.<) plus taking 16 credits (a full load...although 2 of them are for a half-semester class that will end on October 21 and 2 more of them are music lessons, which amounts to one 40ish minute lesson a week).

So what is this job, you ask?

I'm a blogger.

Yep, that's right. I'm going to get PAID to do what I'm doing already. Well, I mean, I'm not going to get paid to do this particular blog. I'm blogging for part of the school. But whatever. I have to come up with a blog or two per week, and all they're asking for is 2-3 paragraphs per blog. Totally do-able. Plus since I want to go into journalism, this will look beautiful on my resume, because it will not only add a TON to my portfolio, but will prove that I can use technology, which according to my Mass Media teacher is very important. So there you have it.

And now I'm going to practice some things, because so far this blog has been all text. So here's some experimentation:

I googled "popular" and Google suggested "popular wicked." This was the first thing that came up. I'm a big fan, because I love Wicked. When Kristin Chenoweth was Glee last week, I died of happiness. (WHOA. I'm listening to shuffle on my iTunes, and "Defying Gravity" just came on. WEIRD).

Free laughs

*giggle*

Changing text color is fun.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself

So there you have it. I just realized you could edit html in this, too. I really need to brush up on my html knowledge, since it's kinda limited at the moment.